My dark shame

It happened again today. I slipped up. I try so hard, and it is so wrong.

I hide my shame deep down inside. I push it down and crush it with the vice-like grip of my will.

But I am damaged, warped. Something definitely is askew in my world.

I hide like a beast, frightened of the truth. And I pretend I am successful. Outwardly, I appear mostly normal. I am educated. I have degrees and honors from the workaday society. Occasionally, people even look up to me for my abilities.

But God knows I am unworthy. I feel his steely gaze judging me for my failures.

I lay on the couch, my feet up and feeling fine, when it happened. The TV shifted from the news to commercials and I was undone.

Engine noise blared from the speakers and metal gods rolled across the screen.

"MONSTER TRUCK JAM IN ANAHEIM ON JANUARY 26," the screen blared and my heart lept. "$10 tickets for the kids!!!!"

My gaze is fixed; my mouth drooling, and I do believe a whispered "whooo doggy" escaped my lips.

Thus my dirty shame is revealed. My white trash genes are activated.

That's right,I must admit it, finally. I am white trash.

I put on a Mac Truck hat and a Skoal T-shirt and I feel pride. I tell my hipster friends and educated colleagues that I wear my STP button-up shirt because it's ironic. But that's just a lie.

Inside I crave to chaw and spit and grow my sideburns long. If only I could find a pair of comfortable overalls, I'd never take them off. I want to talk about trucks and hemi's and dual-intake valves. The sight of a tricked out semi gives me the vapors. Sometimes, when no one is around, I feel the need to scream YEEEEE-HAAAAAWWWWW, drink a Budweiser (the KING OF BEERS) and fart the national anthem.

I want to own the NFL Sunday Night Theme song CD. Because I am ready to play some football.

Now you know my shame. Turn away. Turn away.

Top ten white trash meals

1. Chicken fried steak, mashed taters and green beans.
2. Buffalo wings and a PBR.
3. Biscuits and white gravy. (my dad Claude Edward Lindsey's fave)
4. BBQ from a gas station.
5. Frito pie with mac N cheese
6. Anything off a truck
7. Fried chicken, okra and beans. (my Aunt Bobbi and Uncle Skeeters fave. Yes those are real members of my family)
8. Pork chops and greens
9. Beanie Weenies (cut up hot dogs in boston baked beans)
10. Pulled pork samich, tater tots and Green Jello salad (you know the kind with mayo and walnuts in it)