hmmm

I think I am too attached to people and things. I think I should strive more and more for nothingness and a mind clear of people. Friends and loves are distraction getting in the way of understanding the true nature of the world. I'm not saying they aren't necessary, because at some point they are. What I am saying is that you have to be ready to leave everything behind and holding on to people is one of the things that keeps us stuck in a state of need and dependency.

So, I think I need to care less about individuals and things. I need to think in wider terms. I need to think in terms of a universal self, where everything is of one piece. Bits and pieces like myself don't matter, the health of the whole should be my concern. I need to spend some time at Walden's pond.

Nena's Bad Day

Nena’s Bad Day

Nena lay curled next to her human, happily snoring the night away. She loved her bed and the human made a wonderful heater. The only annoying thing was that it would move around during the night. But she was used to it.

The human would turn over in the night leaving her exposed to the wild elements in her room. Without thinking, she would get up and gracefully leap over the fat man and land into the curve he made between his head and knees. Back to sleep.

Every morning she would wake just as the first sign of light would turn the sky outside the window a shade of gray. It wasn’t enough light to really see color, but enough to see the room around her. Well, enough for a human. She saw equally well at night and in day. Poor pathetic heaters. Humans were such a poor species. They couldn’t jump worth anything. They barely had fur and their ridiculous two-legged walking was beyond ridiculous.

Still, they did open food cans and provide good heating surfaces for her to rest on, so she let them stay at her house.

With a lithe, sinuous jump Nena sailed over her human and landed on the floor with an almost inaudible thump. She walked to the door that led to the laundry room and grabbed the bottom corner. With a quick flip, she sent the door swinging open and glided through it. She passed through the laundry room and into the kitchen, her paws making slight plopping sounds as the pads pounded off the linoleum.

Nena had a purpose and she would not be denied. Every morning for as long as she could remember she would wake up at the first sign of dawn and make her way through the kitchen and into the dining room. Ignore anything and everything going on around her until she reached the ledge that surrounded the east-facing windows.
Now, of course, Nena didn’t know what east was. Heck, she didn’t know what a laundry room was, but she did know what she wanted.

She gathered herself, feeling the muscles in her haunches tighten with anticipation. Nena released those coiled muscles and leaped to the ledge and stuck her nose through the slats in the vertical blinds. She settled in.

Beyond the window she could feel the slight chill of an early spring morning. It braced her and focused her. Her attention was fixed down to the end of the street that T-boned in front of her house.

The sky slowly grew brighter, the gray giving way to a soft red-yellow. Then, as she did every day, she thrilled to see the large ball of fire peek out from the horizon. It was all over in just a few minutes, but it was unchanging and its beauty grabbed at something primal inside her. Dawn, the sun, the beginning of another day, spoke to this small gray calico cat with the orange and white spotted face with a fierce passion.

It filled her with life and set the pattern for her day. Nena felt her life was perfect when she saw the sun make its daily appearance. She greeted the day and her life with enthusiasm.

Back to the lazy human’s bedroom, she jumped back into bed and walked over to the still snoozing man. She carefully crept up to his ear and stuck her nose in. Nena didn’t quite touch him, know that would startle him awake. Instead she gave a quick meow and pulled back, sitting down expectantly.

It had the desired effect. The human woke with a slightly puzzled look on his face. Well, alright, he always had a slightly puzzled look, but this one was a little more puzzly than normal.

He sat up, the top cover falling away to showcase his Dodgers T-shirt and boxers. Truly, the PJs of champions. Nena had a good sense of the ironic.

Nena just sat back and waited patiently for the human to gain his senses and let her out.

He struggled to get moving for a couple minutes, sitting at the edge of the bed pushing his long head fur out of his eyes. Nena was always fascinated with the massive shag of fur on top of its head and relative lack of hair elsewhere. Who made these strange creatures, she thought.

Of course all that came out of her sharp-toothed muzzle was a querulous “Rrrrowwwwrrr?” But the point was still valid.

With a mighty heave, the gooey man heaved himself upright and started stumbling towards the back door in the laundry room.

Nena lightly landed beside him and jogged to the door with a bouncy grace, looking back to make sure that the large lump wasn’t going to tumble over on her. With a flick of his wonderful opposable thumbs, the human undid the deadbolt and opened the door. Nena thought she should look into getting herself some thumbs, it would be nice to open her own food cans.

She bounded out into the early morning coolness with glee.

The backyard was a wild pleasure jungle for Nena. The overgrown grass was perfect for lurking and hunting. She could look for tasty schmousies or lovely lizards or just chase butterflies with abandon. In the planters that surrounded the backyard low bushes hid hidey holes where she could stash her prey, because she wasn’t allowed to take them into the house.

It was rude of the human to deny her the chance to bring her prizes in, but she allowed him this prissy side.

All in all, Nena’s life was perfect. She had food and water whenever she wanted it, a warm bed and a human heater to keep her company. She had a backyard to hunt in and lay around on a sunny day. She didn’t need anything.

She wasn’t even lonely when the heater would disappear for most of the day. She almost always had the sun for company. A constant companion that followed her through the day, giving her light to see her prey, warmth to take a nap in and something to always watch over her.

She was satisfied.

As she lay in the grass, hoping for something to make the mistake of coming into her backyard, the human came out, got into his wheeled thing and left.

It was a little odd because it was still very early in the day for the human to be lumbering around outside. But she didn’t really give it much thought. Heaters often did things like that. They would come and go without warning, come back late or even pretend to ignore you when they sat at the box with screen and keyboard.

Nena didn’t much care what they did as long as they were quiet.

Besides, it was morning nap time. She stretched out and dreamed of delicious schmice. If only humans understood how yummy they were. They were finer than the finest filet mignon. The only thing tastier is tuna. If they knew about it, her schmousie treats wouldn’t be safe.

The sound of the car coming up the driveway and into the garage in the backyard woke Nena up.

She held her head up just in time to see the human walk into the house with a box. Hmmm, Nena liked boxes. You could play in them. She got up and walked towards the back door. The human closed it before she could get there.

How rude. She let out a loud “grrrowwwrmeow” to get his attention, so he would let her in.

He ignored her, or didn’t hear her. No, she thought, he was ignoring her. He usually opened the door as soon as she asked.

With a pout, she sat down on the steps by the back door and waited for the human to let her in.

When that didn’t happen right away she resorted to scratching at the door and meowing in a loud voice. This was her house gosh darnit and she wanted in.
Something definitely wasn’t right. She could hear the human moving around in her house. He just wasn’t letting her in.

After about half an hour later, the human opened the door and Nena immediately knew what was wrong. She could smell it. Something was in her house. Something that shouldn’t be there.

The human was talking at her, but she didn’t need to be told what was in there. There was another cat in her house. Intolerable.

“Now, Nena, before you come in you should know that I got us a new kitty. His name is Morris. I thought it wasn’t fair for you to be alone all the time so I got you a friend,” the doughy heater said to her. “He’s just a kitty right now, but he’ll grow up to be your best friend.”

Nena stood at the edge of the open door and the stink of the new cat washed over her. Pure evil. That’s what it was. A familiar, but wrong, stench was mixing with her lovely scent. It was fouling her home.

Her tail fattened up and the hair on her back stood on end as she walked into the house. She was ready for the intruder’s attack.

Then she saw it peeking around the corner of the dining room table. No doubt it was hoping to take her by surprise and rip her throat out and claim her comfy bed as her own.

It was smaller than Nena. Really just about 5 months old. It’s small body was covered with orange and white tiger stripes. From behind one of the dining room kitchen legs, its big, bulbous head peeked. Horrendous green eyes bore into Nena, looking for her weak points.

Nena slunk her way into the kitchen, her eyes locking with the other cat. Then it moved from behind the table leg, and Nena jumped straight up giving out
a “ROOOOOOOWWERRRRR!”

She skittered back to the back door, which had closed behind her. Nena stayed there as Morris the Destroyer fully revealed himself. Besides his bulbous head and glowing, deadly eyes, his massive paws looked like they could rip her face off with just a single swipe.

Nena was in danger.

The human walked over to the new cat and reached down to give it scratchies.

Morris “mrrrowwwred” with false humility and pretended to accept the scratchies.
“Nena, why don’t you come over here and say “Hi” to your new friend? He wants to play with you,” the human said in its dull voice.

How could it not see? This was all a ruse, Nena thought. It was just lulling the human into a sense of calm before taking him out. Did this foolish heater know nothing of the hunt?

Nena felt trapped by the back door and a low rumbling growwwwl escaped her throat.
Then the human picked up Morris of Doom and walked over to the washing machine.

Oh, NO!!??!!, Nena thought. He wouldn’t.

He did.

The man placed the interloper on top of the washing machine, where Nena’s food and water dishes were. And Morris the Deadly began to crunch away. From the munchy crunchy sounds, Nena knew that it was doing it just to bait her into trying an attack.

She wasn’t going to fall for it. Nena left and made her way to the comfy bed. She would make her stand there.

Once safely ensconced amongst the pillows and rumpled bed sheets, Nena waited the doombringer.

Crunch, crunch, crunch, it continued as though it were actually hungry. Nena knew better, it was just trying to eat up her food so she would starve. Ha, fat chance, Nena thought. I know where the crunchies are. The only food Nena couldn’t get to was the gushy kind. Human had to open that with his opposable thumbs.

Damn, those opposable thumbs. If I had them right now, I’d choke that stupid heater human, Nena wished with a ferocious thought.

This was starting to take some time. When was it going to attack?

She peeked around the corner and saw the human was giving it more scratchies. DAMN, she thought.

Oh, well, no reason to wait, it was afternoon nap time. So she closed her eyes and went to sleep.

It could have been days, or 20 minutes later, when she awoke from her refreshing nap. She was warm and felt the snuggle of a heat source. It was nice, it wasn’t as overwhelming as the human. It was small and furry and up against her.

That’s when Nena’s memory kicked in. To her horror, snuggled up against her, snoring away, was Morris the Debauched. She didn’t know what to do. Should she kill it? It was vulnerable. Who knows when she was going to get another chance.

Suddenly it yawned and the rows of sharp, deadly, teeth glistened in the afternoon sun.

Nena fled to the back door and meowed to be let out. If only she could get outside, she would have the advantage. Luckily, the human was quick and let her out into the jungle of the backyard, where she could plan her attack.

Into the tall weeds and grass she disappeared. This was her hunting ground, her kill zone. No stray cat of death would defeat her here.

A couple minutes later, the door opened again and Morris appeared, ready to bring his doom.

As Nena watched him from the tall grass, she considered the many ways she could take him down. Nip his ears off first, then blind him and hamstring him, that would be the slow way.

No, No, Nena thought. It should be quick and decisive. Go for the throat, like her instincts told her. That was the best way. All she needed was for Morris the Dufus to walk into the grass.

Morris edged around on the concrete patio, looking nervous and sniffing around. No doubt, he knows death stalks him, Nena thought.

Morris walked up to the edge of the grass, but refused to walk in.

It has some rudimentary sense, Nena realized. Well, she would just have to goad him into joining her in the grass.

She slinked and slunk silently through the grass, making sure to keep the long strands from moving too much. Closer and closer she moved. Almost there. Almost there. Within range. Pounce.

Morris the Dunce was caught completely by surprise. But then, so was Nena. She expected a fight, but she realized as she reached the zenith of her graceful, deadly, pounce that the stupid cat was just cowering. So she landed in front of the balled-up Morris and sat down.

He peeked out from his balled up position and she lightly popped him on the head with her deadly Paw of DOOM. And the fight was on. Morris the Devil pounced back. That trickster, he was playing scared, the whole time.

His massive paws wrapped around her neck and she knew she was dead. How stupid of me, Nena thought.

But, all he did was wrestle with her for a minute and lightly bite her. It didn’t even hurt. Then he bounded away to prepare another attack.

Seriously? That’s the best he’s got, thought Nena. She walked back into the grass jungle, confused.

Once she was carefully concealed again, she carefully thought about her opponent. He was small. Too small. He must be a youngling. Maybe, he wasn’t a challenger to her. No, she thought. That’s what he wants you to think. He’s the devil. I’m sure, she thought.

Yes, that’s right. Cats know about the Devil. Haven’t you ever seen them just staring off into space and reacting for no reason? It’s because they can see the devils and angels that walk amongst us. They know all about it. They are supposed to warn us of the evil that lurks out there. Problem is, they’re cats. They don’t exactly follow orders very well.

Anyway, it was mid-late afternoon nap time, so Nena fell asleep.

MMMMMMMMrrrrrowwwr, Nena said and stretched her whole body out as she woke up from her nap. Nothing better than a mid-late afternoon nap, she thought. Unless it’s an early-late afternoon nap. Oh, alright, all naps were good.

Nena’s senses instantly shot to Red Alert as the grass moved shushed and moved. Damn, she thought, it’s making its move.

A butterfly flew past her nose, it’s yellow and orange wings flapping for all it was worth. Right behind it, galumphing like a fool, came Morris.

Nena took one look at his awkward running and noisy, wasted movement and she could tell he would never catch that butterfly. Such a shame, she thought. Pulling off butterfly wings was always such fun and this was a real beauty.

What was she going to do with this useless little kitty? It would never defeat her and fighting an unfair battle would just be against the cat battle code.

She would just have to train it, she supposed. Of course, she wouldn’t train it too well. She wanted to win. Nena would train it just enough that it would be able to give her a true fight. Then she could defeat it without repercussions from the League of Cat Jousting.

Yes, there were rules to this sort of thing. The rules were fairly simple.
1. Give Fair Warning. (growl, spit, fluff out your fur)
2. Only fight if the other cat can fight back.

Yup, those are the rules. And this was a rule No.2 exception.

Just as she came to this conclusion the back door opened and the heater human called them in. It was gushy food time.

Nena ignored Morris as they ran past the human and into the kitchen, where the meaty treat was dispensed. There were two little white plates side-by-side on the floor. On each was a delightful dollop of juicy meat.

Nena picked the left and Morris the right and they both began gobbling away. Nom nom nom.

After dinner, Nena went into the bedroom and jumped from the floor to the window ledge. She settled in and cleaned her paws and face, getting rid of any lingering traces of dinner. She was in the window for a reason. She wanted to say goodbye to the sun. As she greeted it in the morning, she said goodbye each evening.

The blue began to fade from the sky and red returned as she watched the fireball descend.

She heard a thud as Morris jumped up to join her. I’ll train you little one, then the true battle begins, she thought. Then, she dismissed him and turned back just in time to see the last of the sun settle in for the night.

When she turned her head back she found herself looking down at the tiny kitten who had snuggled up to her chest. She bent down and began to clean its face. A strange rumble built in her chest as her tongue slipped over his dirty fur and a purr burst forth from her.

She didn’t know why, but somehow she felt more complete as she looked down at this little orange and white furball. Could she have been lonely, she thought? Well, it didn’t matter, she wasn’t going to be anymore.

Training starts tomorrow, little one, she thought. She continued to purr as Morris fell asleep against her.