At the foot of the wall

I am impotent in the face of the world
Friends, family innocents and myself are subject to the whims of fate, sickness and the evil of other men.
Some turn to religion. Fine
Some turn to drugs. Fine if you want to make things worse.
I stand at the foot of the vast wall of the world, made from my own fears and anxieties. Made from those things I have no control over that weigh me down.
What I strive to find is a way past the wall.
A way to see the truth. That the world doesn't matter. Sickness doesn't matter. Pain doesn't matter. Evil doesn't matter. Good doesn't matter. All of these things are my perception of the world. All that matters is the now. All that matters is  how I perceive it all.
If the wall has weight, it is because I believe it has weight. If there seems to be no door it is because I think there is no door.
Yes, I am impotent in the face of the world. But that's just my perception.
Building a door is my goal.

What would be nice

You know what would be nice?
If one single person believed in me. That's all I'm asking for and it seems to be too much.
And yes, I believe in myself. But we all need other people to believe in us too.

Early morning annoying phone call

As a prelude, I'm notorious for not answering my phone unless I know the phone number.

7:15 a.m. Phone rings. (Riders on the Storm). I wake up, look at the number, don't recognize it. Ignore.
7:18 a.m. Text message from same number pops up on phone. "Hey, Kev. How's it going?"
(Crap, it's early for me. Who is this?)
Me: "Fine. Who is this?"
Unknown texter: "It's Xxxx. I changed my number a few months ago. I thought I gave it to you.
Me: Ah, Xxxx, I guess I forgot to write it down. (Nope. You didn't give me your number)
Xxxx: So, anyway. What's going on with you? I just wanted to check in with you.
Me: (Bullshit. You want something. Just tell me what you want.) Things are fine.
Xxxx: How's work? How's life?
Me: Busy and busier. (Works been a living nightmare for years as we cut, cut and cut. It's not like it's getting better) Everything else is going along pretty good. (Mostly true, now, let's cut to the chase) So, how are you?
Xxxx: Well, things are great. I just started doing this new thing and I was hoping ... (Me: Here it comes. Lay it on me. How can I be of limited use to you today?)
Long conversation ensues on how he's got a new direction and business and wants my advice and if I felt like it I could help him get started with contacts.
Of course this is a guy I never hear from unless he needs something, and he thinks I can help him. Otherwise he probably wouldn't take my calls.
8 a.m. Texting ends with me trying to give the least help I can and still be polite.
Ugh. Thanks for waking me up early and picking my brain for your profit while giving me nothing in return. Now, I'm up for the day.